


transcend.

by loserfreakout (overkidd)



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Cutting, M/M, Menstruation, Self-Harm, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, first chapter izaya is referenced having a period so idk tag for period talk, izayas family is more prominent than shizuos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-05-15 08:50:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5779351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overkidd/pseuds/loserfreakout
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a story about afab izaya.</p><p>he's depressed but that's whatever, he doesn't like seeing himself dress but that's whatever, his arms are red and puffy but that's whatever; he can rise above that. </p><p>he can't however rise above the red staining his sheets from something he doesn't need.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Izaya was born on the fourth of May to Shirou and Kyouko Orihara, Izaya was born a little under six pounds and about fifteen inches, and Izaya Orihara was born Mitsuki with a f under his sex on his birth ceritificte; he never felt the need to retch as hard as he did when he let his mind dwell on that thought and for some reason as his birthday came closer and closer the nausea only came harder and harder-- not really sure why it effects him so much every time the day comes near, since it's not very much like any family besides the twins ever shows up when the day arrives and they never even took to referring to him as anything besides 'him' yet still the feeling that he'd never be who he truly want to be remained to accompany him each passing year.

His mind keeps echoing; three days, three days, three days.

He spends hours in the bathroom with his stomach seizing hard and his throat burning with bile until his vision goes hazy even when he doesn't feel himself heaving, the taste of spit-up and blood on his tongue, he scrambles with a container full of breath mints hidden amongst the back end of a medicine cabinet in hopes to make it go away. His fingers are shaking so he's not surprised he has to fumble around the pockets of the pant's he's been wearing for two days now in search for his phone, and flip it up with a hard flick of the wrist rather than the bitten down nails he's sporting, cringing hard as he forces himself to work past the light too bright for his head to handle at the moment to check the time; it's five am in the morning-- he'll have to get going soon. He wakes the twins long enough to scrounge up a halfhearted attempt at breakfast since he can't genuinely find it in him to put the effort in for the runts today, starts changing while they eat, and leaves at six without an ounce of food in his stomach- he's not hungry, he doesn't like how it tastes, and he'll eat later -makes it to school by seven; an hour earlier than needed to make registration but he doesn't mind how the cold air makes his skin rise but the damp feeling in his boxers makes his mouth go dry.

He finds himself back home by first block, nails scratching at his skin over and over again till it's a puffy red but that isn't good enough to stop the dissociation that's beginning to plague him so he takes a knife and cuts open his arm as if the blood that starts to fall will stop what is bleeding down below-- it doesn't, of course it doesn't, but it isn't for nigh because it calms him enough so that he can find himself and continue onward with the day. He arrives back at the academy just in time for his class with the monster, whom he can feel glaring daggers into the confines of his soul or whatever he think has taken it's place as he enters the class, a gentle sigh to himself slipping out past his lips as he sits down and ties his best to ignore the faces the brute keeps making in favour of watching how the ink flows from his pen-- until he feels enough pressure on his wrist to snap it and hears words hissed out with a sort of venom he's only ever expect from himself; 'why the fuck do you smell like blood, flea?'.

Izaya Orihara for the first time in forever fears the monster of Ikebukoro.

HIi heart thrums loud enough that he wonders if the other can hear with thoughts racing until he feels his arm life against his own provocation with it's sleeve raveling down and that's when he realizes that the blonde had actually meant, eyes flickering shut and fingers curling tight, he breathes again-- it wavers into a heavy sigh, apathy seeping from the exhale, not wanting to entertain the other's rage today he let's the violation go as he does his best to tug his limb out of the animal's grasp- ignoring how it's muzzle has shifted into clear discontent and disgust since it lets go, if not only wanting to put it's paws down upon the polished wood of Izaya's desk, with a stern 'we need to talk'; the raven's already faded off into some place far away in the distance by the time the beast gets the words out.

The teen walks home alone, he's still not hungry so he doesn't eat later like he he was, and the twins are biding their time elsewhere at a friends house or something of the sort yet again so he remains by himself in his home; it feels like no one's ever there, that it's just how that's supposed to go, and so he starts considerably when the sharp noise of a door chime pierces his ears. He opens the door with the phrase 'Orihara Shirou and Kyouko are else where' on the tip of his tongue since there isn't truly any other reason why someone would be at his doorstep if not for them but the words disintegrate off it when he realizes who exactly it is standing at his house's entryway.

"Shizu-chan, are you stalking me?" It's barely chirped before the monster of a being's pushing past with a blunt 'he told me' into the younger's house and if it was anybody else they might've been scared when the man so sharply turned on the hard wood floor but this was Izaya Orihara and despite what had transpired earlier that day it would never be in his nature to fear Shizuo-- 'what the fuck happened to your arm' --that doesn't stop him from cringing at this, chest fluttering and lips parting with something akin to telltale exasperation that he only sport when he's truly tired of the situation. "I don't very much see how thats any of our business, if I'm being honest, perhaps I just had a run in with someone other than you--," he pauses to allow his head to tilt upwards with a smile trying to mimic the sharp angles he used to sport to accentuate the ",--y'know?" that follows.

"I'm not as much of an idiot as you make me out to be, Orihara-kun, and I'm not as fucking oblivious either." It doesn't appease the brute, not at all, though it's not like Izaya had high hopes for his blatant lie like the other presumed he did; as much as he'd hate to admit it Shizuo was incredibly perceptive when not blinded by his emotions. That however didn't halt the raven's face from scrunching at the nose when the other snarled at him much like the dog he always set him up to be, letting out something of a condescending scoff before throwing pale hands out to the air beside him, lips forming around and pushing out a; 'then why even bother asking?'. Auburn eyes seemed to dull considerably at the way Shizuo's nostrils merely flare slightly with a heavy exhale instead of providing a response with some form of sustenance along with his lip twitching at the corner briefly when the blonde's hand lifted to pinch the bridge of his nose with his lips parting as if ready to say something that was obviously only to him only to wind up sealing them and shaking his head.

"I just don't fucking get it, Izaya," his tone was aggravated only by exhaustion, soft by a lack of will to put any work into his words, with his hand falling free from his face. "--all the thing I can think of that make your life so shitty are because you made it that way-- it's just-- if it's so bad for you why the absolute fuck do you insist on--."  
  
"Shizuo," the younger's voice raised high, strained against the edges of his throat, and fingers curled tight against his palm to fight the pressure against his eyes. "I don't need to be preached to by someone blinded by their own stupid bias so leave if that's all you're going to do; you've already ruined the sanctity of a place I found safe by you and your monstrous nature waltzing right in like you own the place-- so tell Shinra I'm going to personally throttle him and do me a favor and get out before I have to call the police." His tone grew harsher as he demanded that the other leave but there was something so shaky about his words accentuated by the tears clearly welling against the corners of his vision.

Why was he crying, fuck this, why was he crying?  
  
"The goddamn bias I hold against you is completely founded, Izaya, and you know it is--" The words died in the blonde's throat, expression growing distant at the sound of a strangled warble of a gasp falling out of the other and then softening in its entirety because regardless of whatever anger he held against the other he never really wished for the other to cry-- never thought he could make him --breath halting before taking a step back as if trying to give the other space. "Izaya, I wanna try and understand, alright? I'm really fucking confused and its pissing me off-- so if you could just like I don't know try and let me it might help--uh the both of us--" his voice wavered into silence when he heard the younger let out a trill of laughter, teeth gritting instantly, before letting out something of a growl, "--what?"  
  
"Shizu-chan, you're disgustingly sentimental."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shorter chapter thats kind of a filler so sorry. comments are appreciated.

In that moment perhaps Izaya expected to be hit, or at least snapped at, but he's merely looked at in such a way that feels far too much like it's paternal that it makes him sick-- he never again wants to think about Shizuo and his father on par. His eyes to crimson for their own good go to the ceiling as if there'll be an answer hidden in the paneling, with  confused lungs to distorted to breath easy wheeze out a breath, and stretches his arms upwards with his hands grabbing at each other as he looks upon nails bitten down upon too often with something of distaste falling across his features. He falls out of it for a few moments, eyes slipping to cracks on porcelain skin, only to return his attention back to a now exceptionally more frustrated blonde.

"Did you fucking hear me?"

His eyes widen exceptionally at the spat out inquiry, though the rest of him stays utterly still, eyes flickering off once more before letting out another laugh. "Ah- no, Shizu-chan," he isn't particularly embarrassed but he knows that the slip most likely only pressed whatever cause Shizuo was toting so it aggravates the younger to some degree. "-- I didn't; I'm still a touch preoccupied with the fact you're in my house." He makes sure to press on the words, hissing them out harshly, and face sharpening to compliment them.

"Fucking can it with your invasion of privacy shit, we all know you can't keep well enough alone when it comes to others, it's just a goddamn taste of your own medicine." It's uttered out first, then his sentence becomes much more rushed than the ones before, with the crackling of joints in the man's hand accompanying it-- the sound makes the others skin crawl. "I said I'm trying to not be an asshole here, okay, Izaya-- and you know that's really fucking difficult when I'm dealing with you so please can you for fucking once in your life just tone it down for-- like- a second and let me get my fair share in before I fucking lose it?"

Izaya could feel his mouth open ready to comment upon the other's repetitive use of the word 'fucking' in a less than favorable way but manages to seal them shut with a bothered hum, shoulders hiking up in a tense shrug before dismissively flicking his wrist, all he really wants is the blonde out of his house. "Whatever, Shizu-chan, just make it quick Mairu and Kururi will probably be back soon-- I don't need them meeting you." He spoke this time with air filling in the spaces, not even a semblance of protectiveness in his tone as he referred to his sisters, it even seemed a touch bitter. 

"Did your parents go out for the night or something?" Shizuo couldn't help from asking, in all honesty, because maybe they had something to do with the lines on their sons wrists yet there was a touch of regret that flooded him when the raven's eyes sharpened gaze fell elsewhere yet again-- about to speak up and make sure that the teen wasn't dozing off once more only to be cut off by his response.

"Shizu-chan, stop prying and say what you have to." Fair enough--

\-- though he never gets his words out as there's yet another sharp knock at Izaya's door this time from a woman in her late thirties revealed to be accompanied by two girls who have eyes too similar to their brothers to not leave the blonde unsettled when they both creek the door open- his thoughts scrambled slightly because the girls are so young, they honestly can't be older than seven, and it make him feel like he has to acknowledge that at one point or another their sibling was something like this.

Young and maybe, perhaps, a little bit innocent.

The one to the left of the lady yawns loudly to herself, heel of her hand going towards her mouth as she stretches slightly while the other slips inside, eyes flickering to Shizuo with a knit of her eyebrows only to continue on silently to what he could only assume would be were her room is. The other takes her fair share of time to meander through the doorway offering a somewhat formal goodbye despite her casual behavior to the woman already turned away and walking to her car, he hears the flea let hiss out an irritable sigh as she passes him to also look over the blonde. Her eyes narrowing only slightly and lips splaying into a smile that's not quite hers- its something of a lesser mimic of Izaya's own shit-eating grin -only to be cut off from whatever she was about to say with a harsh 'go to your room, Mairu' and Shizuo has to bite his tongue because the teen says it more like a parent than an older sibling which makes him wonder about the siblings parental situation for the second time. The girl, 'Mairu', lets out a childish whine before trudging in her sister's footsteps murmuring something particularly cruel under her breath; he couldn't quite catch whatever she said exactly because in an instance Izaya's eyes were on him and unwavering, his lips drawn into a slightly curved line with their corners facing down, before gesturing to the door.

"Maybe some other time, Heiwajima." The way the other says his family name makes his lips curl and it upsets him because the fact of the matter is Izaya said it like anyone else would he gets out a; 'this isnt'--' only to be cut off once again.

'Over? I know it isn't but you need to go.' It sounds like a plead so Shizuo does the only thing he can do and leaves.


	3. REWRITE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM REWRITING THIS FIC; IT'LL HAVE UP TO FIVE CHAPTERS WHEN I POST THE NEW ONE

rewriting rewriting rewriting

**Author's Note:**

> im afab.


End file.
